“I want to be a mum, why do you not think this through?” asked Priya. Ravi could only shrug and say, “Let’s talk later. It is just too early.”
“Why not? Are you getting cold feet?” Priya murmured back.
COLD FEET. The words struck Ravi like fire and all he could manage was leaving the room—ensuring the door banged with an echo that would make his wife sniff like a kid.
Such conversations are normal routines in this day and this world. The scenario of couples not agreeing over when to turn parents– or rather, when they would want to start planning a family is too common. I know so many Ravis and Priyas for that matter. However, the worst bit is the direction of such conversations take nasty turns and the couple more often than not—ends up fighting instead of finding a clear goal.
This makes me wonder—what actually triggers such a response in an all-so-loving couple? Is it cold feet in reality?
Or is it that couples still consider that child could be a third person that will change the way they warm up to each other at the present.
Cold feet, perhaps is logical as a probability but finding a child to be a bane to relationships is one claim or thought I totally find baseless.
Experiencing pregnancy and then going through the parenting track for every day to come actually gives couples the foundation space to take leaps in their understanding. Forget the maturity, responsibility and streamlining of duties—we can only think in terms of romance and yet conclude that pregnancy with parenting is actually more romantic than anything else.
The first thing you need to give up to enjoy this bit of parenting is that your blame-game habit needs to fade. You cannot do something and then blame back your spouse.
Parenting is about feeling the high of winning and crossing hurdles as a team-TOGETHER.
It is not about power playing over who is a better parent.
It makes you talk more, feel more, deliberate more and finally decide everything together. The power of being together comes alive in parenting.
Find love in the ‘usuals’
Changing clothes, shopping for formula, researching baby health and even clinical visits can turn into important dates and important timings—to indulge in as parents. The joy of parenting comes when you know to approach it in the correct way. Otherwise, everything can turn pessimistic.
In cases where the couple has found it easy to align with each other for parenting and bringing up their child, there is much more romance than you might have imagined.
This mode of thought also allows parents to understand the strengths they have as a couple. Multi-tasking and management become easier. Spousal support is not a small deal and there are times when the mood swings become unbearable, having your partner on board with you helps you share, and finally emerge out of the extreme lows you face.
Growing together—that is what becomes romantic—more romantic than ever—as a parent.
Pregnancy and parenting come with a lot of meaning, it would be foolhardy to waste these phases imply grumbling about what you might lose. The situation is only WIN-WIN!