SKParenting Sizzlers with Ila Verma
Name: Ila Varma
Designation: Freelancer Writer
Parent to: (Son) Mridul 25-year-old, (Son) Tuktuk 23-year-old
Family details: We are a family of four and we are closely connected with each other.
Background: I am a Freelance Writer & Blogger by profession. I am a voracious reader and a passionate writer. I write on the basis of my experiences as a person, parent and individual. I am a keen observer and my writings reflect my experiences and observations. I believe in the adage, “Never ever give up & Keep trying” and my life revolves around it. I learn from my failures and check not to repeat the mistakes. I started my professional journey with pharmaceuticals and then I moved to financial industry and after shelving my responsibilities, I indulged in my childhood passion for writing and creativity. I am a multitasked and I keep myself occupied with work and passion. I am into Creative & Content Writing and open to working with Brands & Bloggers.
SKP Q1. What top five values do you feel most compelled to instil in your kids?
Ila: To instil good values in our children, we need to follow them first. We need to stick to the adage, “Practice then Preach” and it works well with the kids. They see us following and they unconsciously adapt their lifestyle.
Every parent wants to groom their kids with good values but often parent’s don’t follow the dictum and afterwards blame the kids if they come out ill-behaved or lack something important in their life.
Good manners: Teach them good manners. Follow the etiquettes and manners of acknowledging and responding, they will follow you. Make a habit of greeting them at the start of the day and while resigning to bed. Congratulate them when they excel and be humble to say sorry if you hurt someone. Follow the dictum of members of your family, neighbours and business and slowly they will adopt your way. If they miss, prompt them to follow and make them understand why you want to instil in them the values of good manners. They will take up in their habit because they have seen you doing the same and won’t feel awkward to respond.
Honesty is the best policy and everyone should adopt this policy in their life to be happy and content. Show them the path by sticking to honesty and explain them with reasons the virtues of honesty. Even while answering business calls, don’t use flimsy excuses in front of the kids else they will try to adopt.
Table Manners: Teach them to munch meals without opening their mouth, not to leave leftover in plates and keep the plates at the designated place after finishing the meal.
Personal Hygiene & Cleanliness: Inculcate in them the habit of wearing clean clothes, taking bath at the start of the day and flush the toilet after each use. Put them into the habit of washing hands before and after food, after play or while entering taking out foods to eat.
Generous & Caring: Teach them to respect elders, old, sick, animals, birds and plants. Show them your respect and care for your elders, they will follow your suit. Give them the opportunity to take care of the sick and old, while indulging in such activities, they will develop soft feelings for them and will grow into caring individuals. If you donate things to poor and needy, involve them in such activities, they will learn these virtues and later in life will follow the same. Involve them in the watering of plants, feeding animals and birds, they will learn to value nature.
While raising my kids, I followed the dictum of “Practice then Preach” and involved them in household activities, taking care of the elders and made sure that they followed the golden rules of honesty and hygiene. At times, they strayed but I was firm and polite in my approach and was ready with the explanations what is the value of good values and why one should follow them.
I started instilling these values from the early years of childhood and they adopted in their lifestyle as they felt that it was a practice in our home and neighbourhood.
I am of the view that we can study and learn the textbooks and materialistic affairs later in life but these moral values need to be ingrained from the formative years of life.
SKP Q2. What is your greatest area of weakness as a parent?
Ila: At times, I get over emotional and overprotective and interfere them with their decisions. It is my love for them which makes me weak and I don’t let them spread their wings when they wish to go on adventurous trips. Afterwards, I realize my mistake and mend my ways but if it comes spontaneous, I get adamant in my decisions and I outburst in reaction.
SKP Q3. What is your greatest area of strength as a parent?
Ila: I listen to their advice even if it pertains to check my ways. I give them liberty to choose their subjects and hobbies that they wish to pursue. I lend my ears to listen to them in my busy hours too and be there for them when they need me. I encourage and appreciate them where they do right or trying their best to perform.
SKP Q4. How do you believe other people see your kids? How do you feel about others’ opinions on your kids?
Ila: My relatives, neighbours and friends see them as individuals with great values and quite disciplined in their lifestyle. They are ever ready to help others and cooperate. They never forget to wish them. While raising, I was firm in my approach and never over pampered and people around find them cool and their approach healthy. I feel happy from the positive comments of others and feel proud of my kids and I share my parenting skills when people ask me after meeting my kids.
SKP Q5. How well do your spouse and you work as a team in our parenting?
Ila: My husband has a Marketing job and from the beginning, he has to be on long tours. He is liberal towards kids because he has less time to spend with them. Though I am working, my priorities are my kids and I give time as and when required keeping other things backseat. Major decisions are taken by me though I share my decisions with my better half he has given me the liberty to take decisions in respect of kids. When he is at home, he takes care of them by cooking a special meal for them or takes them for an outing. We work as a team and we don’t fight with each other for the decisions taken for kids and we arrive at the decisions amicably. He cannot give much time but he appreciates my decision and never ever disrespect my decisions. We do disagree on personal matters but in case of kids, we stand as a team.
SKP Q6. How have you felt while pregnant? Enlighten us.
Ila: I have two sons and my pregnancy journey was exciting and I enjoyed every bit of it. In my first pregnancy, I was in my late teens and along with the excitement, there was fear as to how I would sail nine months. The first trimester was a harrowing experience as I had a tendency of vomiting all the time and everything around smelled foul and left me uneasy. I was not able to eat properly nor could dress properly as even I could not bear the smell of fabric. Maximum time, I felt like puking. I had stopped eating spices or non-veg dishes. I was not able to eat properly. After crossing the trimester, gradually the puking tendency subsided and I started feeling better. I was quite skinny but after the first trimester, prominent bodily changes surfaced and I gained in girth. Gradually, my food habits improved and could wear my favourite fabrics. I had to buy new dresses because of bodily changes. I accepted the changes readily and was busy daydreaming about my child and could sense his movements and kicks within me. The experience cannot be summed up in words but the feeling was surreal and could feel the greatness of some unseen supreme power. Last trimester was easy though I had gained a lot of weight in the expected month. I missed the bliss of labour pain as due to some complications, the doctor advised to go for C-Section. When I held my baby close to my bosom, I forgot all the pregnancy blues which I underwent and even could not sense the pain of C-Section, spiritual happiness engulfed me and I was overjoyed.
Second pregnancy was unplanned and suddenly, I missed my periods when my elder one was just 15 months. This time, there was no puking tendency or other discomforts. I was absolutely normal. For 4 months, I did not see the doctor because I was in dual mind and was not decisive to proceed with pregnancy but inner conscience did not let me go for abortion and finally, I landed to my gynaecologist in the fourth month of gestation. During second pregnancy, there were no hiccups. I managed the elder one nicely, no morning sickness or no weakness, I encountered. Many near and dear ones were amazed to find me healthy contrary to my first pregnancy and they expected girl child this time. I was too expecting a daughter this time but again, I was blessed with a healthy baby boy.
The two pregnancy taught me to take life as it comes and I became responsible and patient after been blessed with two cute sons.
I found the website interesting and helpful and loved the approach of smarty kids parenting and a perfect blend of the bliss of parenting. I wish good luck in the future endeavours and will love to be a part of it.