5 Faults Step-Parents Must Avoid
Parenting is a stressful affair; being a parent means you need to prepare yourself for emotional confrontations and psychological challenges. Especially, when you become stepparents things get complex and sometimes looks foreign. A lot of parents find themselves caught in an unpleasant and seemingly anxious state while dealing with stepchildren. The fact is; you should be careful and conscious of your behaviour to maintain a good relationship with your stepchild. Apparently, nobody can teach you how to be a good parent; it is your responsibility to develop a friendly relationship with the stepchild.
The human is emotionally fragile and dealing with the subtleties of human emotion is a daunting task moreover, the sense of being parents can add up to your anxiety never get panicked or get overly obsessive and compulsive about being good parents as a matter of fact; there are no such things as good parents. Either you raise the kids with love and care or you don’t and there is no-middle-path or another way to it. Stop getting worried about the label; we are humans, not brands. The focus should be concentrated on raising the child not in attaining self-righteousness.
A lot of parents gets agile and restless while learning the ways to be the best parents, in fact. It is something very innate to us. No animal ever goes to college or reads a book on how to be great parents; however, still, they raise their offspring with ease. It is understandable that you might need some tips or important information to help yourself to get rid of that extreme agility, however, tips and tricks should not be considered as ends in themselves, they should be treated as guidelines not as profound principles or commandments.
This article aims to inform you about few things that you need to avoid in an order preventing yourself from getting into unnecessary troubles that could affect you and children’s lives.
1. Avoid Bad Mouthing Biological Parents
Certainly it is extremely apparent and natural to be judgmental about your step child’s biological parents; however, it does not give you license to bad mouth them in front of your stepchild. You might have come into their lives, but they have all the rights to love their bio-parent.
If you think the bio-parent did not raise the child properly, then do not just start verbalizing it. As a matter of fact, you can’t get back to time and fix it; always confront the reality. And the reality is you have a step kid and irrespective of the history and legacy, you are now responsible for the child. The bad-mouthing and verbal utterance can only lead to resentment and child might withdraw to some corner. Be aware, by doing this, you risk the chances of making the kid isolated and later things can result in other psychological problems and all the grief that would follow will be of your own making.
2. Discipline Is A Bad Word
Just because everyone thinks being disciplined is the best way of parenting, you should not take it as a universal truth. In an attempt to impose discipline, you are more prone to hurt the child. What you think as a disciplinarian action might look like a restriction. First thing first; just get rid of the notion of the stepparent; the fact is; you just have a kid and you need to take care of him/her, it is similar to raise up your own kid or a pet per se. So get rid of that stressful idea of “being step-parents”. Exercise your creativity, look at the stepchild objectively, observe them closely and you will definitely figure out the best way to deal with them.
3. Never Act As A Replacement Parent
It is apparent for the kids to express unfamiliarity in the beginning; make sure you define your role. Never act as replacement parent of the biological counterparts. No matter how hard you try, you can never get the place of the biological parent, it is innately natural to feel disappointed about the fact that they do not accept you as their own parent and it should not surprise you either. Always stick to reality; serve as a role model and a mentor and slowly they will start to love you. Human’s greatest search is the search of love; if you can express love and of course unconditional, then you hold pretty good chances of making an impression.
4. There Is Nothing Perfect In This World
When you and your step-child agreed to the terms and conditions, nowhere it was mentioned that you should create a magically beautiful family that could be considered as the epitome of love instantly. Let things take their own course; ultimately, things will start to unfold, from hidden beliefs to idiosyncrasies and motifs everything will slowly manifest and as you go on observing the child you will learn the ways to deal with it.
Do not fall into the trap of objectives or goals; there is nothing to achieve; things will look bitter sometimes, and you have to deal with it. And fortunately that is the beauty of life; imagine, how would you feel if everything is perfect in this world? You will have nothing to do; life is simply imperfection moving to perfection in every passing moment, and it shall never achieve the perfection. The day life attains perfection it becomes stagnant and lifeless. So, keep growing, perfection is a process, not the end.
5. Never Play Favorites
When you have your own kids, it becomes extremely difficult to maintain that fine balance between what you think as yours and what was imposed on you. You might have preferences, you might love your own child more than your stepchild but never display favoritism; in fact love has nothing do with favoritism, love is a state of being, it never relies on how you express things, as a matter of fact, it is more subtle, and sometimes kids are aware of that fact too. However, do not just play favouritism; it will spoil the relationship between the kids.
Remember, human emotions are complex and subtle; make sure to look objectively at things without prejudices, preconceived ideas and notions and you will just do fine.